How to Throw a Better Holiday Party

Dear Friends:

Happy Holidays! Have you started your gift wrapping yet? Did you make your Russian Tea Cakes? Are you doing what you can to shop less on Amazon this year?

This is my list—or well 1/20th of it. People often complain about the busyness of the holidays, the stress and rush, and I get that. But then I think about August or February, where weeks go by with little to nothing happening. Christmas, like democracy, is a thing we all make together. Clearly, I like excess in both.

Shenny takes a winter hiatus starting this week. There’s travel to undertake, and the final chapter of my book to write. I’ll be back in 2025 with let’s hope better news than whatever the news-news will have.

Yours:
Dave

Endorsements: Xmas Playlist Edition

1. Xmas Originals
For a generation so unsteeped in irony, this time of year the ‘Silent Generation’ gets anything but. Andy Williams. Johnny Mathis. Darlene Love. Brenda Lee. We ought not let future generations repeat the playlists of our parents. Happily, merrily even, artists are still writing original songs about Christmas. Here’s a mix of good ones (some newer than others):

2. Xmas Classics
Then again, at Christmastime I’m as conservative as tech exec. I’m not interested in new ideas for cookies, say, or Chex-Mix. Even the egg nog I make is aged. Yuletide is a time of thinking about the past—past Christmases, past wishes, the year that’s almost over. So here’s a companion mix of songs you know and can sing along to:

How to Throw a Better Holiday Party

N. and I have been throwing holiday parties since around the time we met, in 2005. When we moved in together, we even made our housewarming a holiday party. We mailed out invitations!¹ One year we froze all the food and served it again for a smaller NYE party. (Just one friend noticed.)

Then we lived for 11 years in places too small to let people into. Now in our current home, we’ve thrown 4 holiday parties and have it down to a science, so here, in the last Shenny of 2024, is a little guide on how to throw a better party this season. Better for you, that is, so step 1 = imagine the kind of party you want to go to, and make it happen. Manifest your Christmas wish! This guide isn’t going to prescribe Dos and Don’ts so much as share what advice I’ve got to share.

Ice
Every party needs ice, but consider the kinds of ice you need:

1. Bagged ice: Great for filling coolers and drinks tubs, setting in a bowl under the shrimp if you’re doing shrimp cocktail, etc. But bagged ice is wet and chippy, and by the time you’re through with one ‘Santa Baby’ it’s melted and watered-down your cocktail, so you’ll also want…

2. Drinks ice: About 5 or 6 days before the party, I start every morning by emptying our ice cube trays into big freezer ziplocs—one bag of regular cubes for soft drinks / the ice bucket, and another of jumbo cubes for cocktails on the rocks.

3. Punch ice: If you’re planning to have a bowl of punch, which will likely—given the holiday—involve cranberry juice, at least 1 day before your party, put some cranberries in like a Cool Whip tub or bundt cake pan (if you like a ring shape) and cover them with juice.² Freeze and place in the bowl to avoid watered-down punch.

Decor / Crafts
Everyone’s taste here differs, so I’m going to talk only about making snowflakes for your front windows. A bit of holiday spirit falls out of my heart when I see snowflakes like these:

These make me think of doilies and tea, not snow, which is crystalline, and which I miss, and so want to do right by. You can find tutorials anywhere online on how to make paper snowflakes, and all of them will teach you to make a folded triangle as the base:

How you cut this up is your trip, but if you want to avoid the big circle doily look, you should start by hacking away at one corner—ideally the open one:

And when you cut off the corner on the left to make your open snowflake center, save that bit! You can cut it up as well (it’s just a smaller version of your base) and make a little extra snowflake:

Stick these tiny snowflakes among the big ones to fill your windows out nicely:

Okay so some are still doily-ish

Your TV
Odds are people will be hanging out in a room where your television is, so use it. Some folks like to turn their TV into a slideshow of family photos, which is great if people are there to celebrate your family. Our whole vibe is Vintage Kitsch But Classy, so I like to cue up a YouTube playlist of classic holiday commercials. Search around, but here are some good ones:

For a long time we’d put on DVDs of weird old public-domain Christmas cartoons. You might like classic movies. Whatever it is, it’ll be too noisy at your party to listen along, so run it on mute while you stream your holiday playlist through other speakers.

Celebrate Giving
Tis the season after all. We don’t ask folks to BYOB, but people always like to contribute, so I like to find some organization or nonprofit they can donate to. Now that we reelected a fascist, who won partially by promising to hurt trans people, I focused this year on Point of Pride and the Trans Federal Document Project. It was easy enough to take a Canva template and drop in QR codes for quick access to donation pages.

I printed these and hung them on the back of the bathroom doors, where people had some time to themselves to think of all they’ve received this year, and what next year is going to ask of us.

Red Wine Bottles
Even if you tell people not to bring anything but themselves, people will bring red wine. It’s inevitable.³ So (a) don’t feel the need to stock up on too much, and (b) prepare for the bottle onslaught when guests arrive. We have these stackable wine-rack shelves we put below the drinks table to catch new bottles, but a plastic crate set sideways could do the trick. As the night goes on, keep an eye on empties and drop them in recycling so folks don’t have to do that thing where you eye a bottle’s bottom to see if there’s anything left to pour.

The Kitchen is For You
We have a skinny kitchen, where folks can’t hang out without being in the way. So we keep the cooler out on the balcony for any beers and sodas, and use an ice tub in the living room for bottles that need to be kept cold. I like the idea of associated spaces in a party—like S03E14 of Abbott Elementary, where even in her small basement 1-bedroom, Janine creates distinct zones for dancing, games, food, etc. Controlling? Maybe, but you’ll need your kitchen to clean and get at that ice you’ve been saving, and if there’s food and drink in there it’ll be moths to the flame.

Keeping Your Floors Clean
Any time N and I show up at a party and see a pile of shoes in the foyer, we look at each other like Here we go. Inevitably it’ll be hardwood floors everywhere to stand on with no arch support. Look: partying in your socks is a drag, unless it’s a pyjama party, and even then you want slippers. Years back we had friends who would stand in the doorway like sentinels while we hobbled bent over on the concrete porch to pull off our shoes before stepping across their threshold. This was at one of their three (3) houses in the Bay Area, so they could afford, say, a vacuum cleaner, or spot remover, or whatever any host needs to take on the job of keeping their floors cleaned. That’s not your guests’ job. If you’re such a host, we can agree to disagree on dirt, but if you don’t want dirt in your house for one (1) evening, then make some plans. Are there chairs or a bench in your foyer? Is there a basket of slippers⁴ to provide your de-shod guests with some comfort? And most importantly: Did you put this vital info on your invitations? People plan whole outfits around their shoes!

Decades ago now, I read in some magazine similar tips for throwing a good party. And one of them was ‘draw yourself a bath’. I think the argument was that with proper planning your party can take of itself while you take care of yourself with some quiet time. I’ve never bathed during a party we’ve thrown, mostly because I’ve never had a whole bathroom I could take out of commission while dozens of people drank in our home.

But the idea has stuck with me all these years. I think of Prince, who’d hide away in the upper parts of Paisley Park while a full-on party was happening down near the studio, and then around 3 or 4am, he’d come down and perform a song or two. Sure, there’s touches of deity there, but there’s also the understanding that your guests will party with each other, and if the party is the thing you made, it’s nice to back out, or up, get a wider perspective, and take it all in.

Whether you’re throwing a party this year or not, here’s wishing you find some moments to be the Prince to your buzzing downstairs Yuletide.

This week’s thing I didn’t buy at the antique store is a Slippery Sidney ‘Sid’ sled:

1. I thought it would be funny to include ‘Gift receipts appreciated’ on the invitation. It was unclear if people got the joke—if, that is, playing as snarky little queers is a joke.

2. Measure in advance to make sure your container isn’t wider in diameter than your punchbowl’s opening.

3. People in their 20s will likely bring beer, if history shows. If you’ve found you have a problem with fridge space, put some ice packs in a cooler bag and fill it with anything small in your fridge you know you won’t need. It’ll keep until all the beer gets drunk and you get your fridge back.

4. We’d never dream of asking a guest to take their shoes off, but some choose to, so we grabbed a bunch of washable house slippers from Daiso, but you can get them anywhere online for so cheap.