Feb 9, 2023·edited Feb 9, 2023Liked by Dave Madden
Dave, your recollection of your interactions with Prof. Padunov is lovely. You've touched on something here that relates not only to academia, but to the private sector as well. The blurry boundary of professionalism vs. intimacy is becoming increasingly difficult to navigate. Many of us live in fear of unwittingly offending or making uncomfortable a coworker and having to visit HR. The reassuring hand-on-the-shoulder gesture is a perfect example of something I would NEVER do anymore except to someone with whom I've known and worked with for years. I understand that it's important to establish professional boundaries and prevent harassment, etc. But, in doing so, I echo your fear that we've lost the ability to make deeper personal connections earlier in a professional relationship, and I think something is lost because of it.
I'm of two minds about it (which is always how I know I've got an essay to write). I support new laws in place to help those who might need them, or folks who are (and have been) a more vulnerable group or class. Here's a messy parallel: some queers (or at least of those I know) are ready as teens to have sex with adults (and many did). I'm for helping teens find and understand sexual autonomy, but I'm not for lowering the age of consent, because I imagine that the number of teens not ready for sex with adults is far greater, so best to keep the laws in place to protect those folks from unwanted sex with adults, given all I've read about the longterm bad bad effects of unwanted sex. Men have historically done a dangerously lousy job of making academia and the workplace a comfortable place for women; whites have done the same for people of color; straights for queers, etc. That's the history. From that place of wanting everyone to be equally welcome and accommodated, what new forms of intimacy can flourish? I'm not asking that rhetorically, so much as rising to the challenge of finding them. Step one seems to be not being afraid of offense or discomfort, but listening when it happens, and getting a better understanding of all the pluralities of interaction, pluralities of need and desire, within a shared learning/working space.
Agreed. Unfortunately, the potential downside of not being afraid of offense or discomfort could be very damaging to one's reputation, career, etc. Literally, the hand-on-shoulder could be grounds for dismissal. Think about how sad it is that you have to be afraid of closing your door when meeting with a student (though that fear is completely justified). I don't advocate for changing laws to protect people and rebalance power. I just don't have any ideas on how to move forward from where we now find ourselves. I think your question is a great one: "what new forms of intimacy can flourish?" I'm interested to hear answers. I got nothin'.
I, too, don't have answers yet. But I trust that they're only going to from a place beyond fear. So I'm not afraid to close my door when a student is in the room, I'm just mindful of what it means, and its necessity. (Sometimes it's just very loud outside the office and we need to close the door, and that's all it means.) And I'm not afraid to touch my students, just that I'm more mindful about how I can't always predict what that touch will mean. Often, it will mean nothing. And the hard thing for me has been to learn how to listen beyond fear when I fuck it up, to hear and understand how my intended effect did not match another's received effect. I'm not afraid that a single touch is going to end my career as much as continually failing to listen and adapt will.
Dave, your recollection of your interactions with Prof. Padunov is lovely. You've touched on something here that relates not only to academia, but to the private sector as well. The blurry boundary of professionalism vs. intimacy is becoming increasingly difficult to navigate. Many of us live in fear of unwittingly offending or making uncomfortable a coworker and having to visit HR. The reassuring hand-on-the-shoulder gesture is a perfect example of something I would NEVER do anymore except to someone with whom I've known and worked with for years. I understand that it's important to establish professional boundaries and prevent harassment, etc. But, in doing so, I echo your fear that we've lost the ability to make deeper personal connections earlier in a professional relationship, and I think something is lost because of it.
I'm of two minds about it (which is always how I know I've got an essay to write). I support new laws in place to help those who might need them, or folks who are (and have been) a more vulnerable group or class. Here's a messy parallel: some queers (or at least of those I know) are ready as teens to have sex with adults (and many did). I'm for helping teens find and understand sexual autonomy, but I'm not for lowering the age of consent, because I imagine that the number of teens not ready for sex with adults is far greater, so best to keep the laws in place to protect those folks from unwanted sex with adults, given all I've read about the longterm bad bad effects of unwanted sex. Men have historically done a dangerously lousy job of making academia and the workplace a comfortable place for women; whites have done the same for people of color; straights for queers, etc. That's the history. From that place of wanting everyone to be equally welcome and accommodated, what new forms of intimacy can flourish? I'm not asking that rhetorically, so much as rising to the challenge of finding them. Step one seems to be not being afraid of offense or discomfort, but listening when it happens, and getting a better understanding of all the pluralities of interaction, pluralities of need and desire, within a shared learning/working space.
Agreed. Unfortunately, the potential downside of not being afraid of offense or discomfort could be very damaging to one's reputation, career, etc. Literally, the hand-on-shoulder could be grounds for dismissal. Think about how sad it is that you have to be afraid of closing your door when meeting with a student (though that fear is completely justified). I don't advocate for changing laws to protect people and rebalance power. I just don't have any ideas on how to move forward from where we now find ourselves. I think your question is a great one: "what new forms of intimacy can flourish?" I'm interested to hear answers. I got nothin'.
I, too, don't have answers yet. But I trust that they're only going to from a place beyond fear. So I'm not afraid to close my door when a student is in the room, I'm just mindful of what it means, and its necessity. (Sometimes it's just very loud outside the office and we need to close the door, and that's all it means.) And I'm not afraid to touch my students, just that I'm more mindful about how I can't always predict what that touch will mean. Often, it will mean nothing. And the hard thing for me has been to learn how to listen beyond fear when I fuck it up, to hear and understand how my intended effect did not match another's received effect. I'm not afraid that a single touch is going to end my career as much as continually failing to listen and adapt will.